Faded
by TheCandyTerror
Summary: His colors were different, his face mangled on one side, his body different, his voice drained of the power it once held. But it was Starscream... JF/SS: ENERGON slash


Jack: In Armada he died a hero, in Energon he was greeted like a villain...did that confuse anyone else?

Disclaimer: The Transformers belong solely to Hasbororororo, unfortunately, and considering that neither Starscream nor Megatron has admitted to being romantically involved with either Jet(sky)fire or Optimus, Hasbororororo is doing it wrong.

Also, be warned I have no beta, so, forgive all horrid/tragic mistakes I can only do so much.

Song: Bodhisattva of Cathedral Feat

* * *

Faded

Space is surprisingly cold, frigid and unwelcoming to creatures other then those it creates. Obstacles are thrown in my way, meteors, rubble from battles past, and even debris of shredded planets all pass me in hopes of knocking me from the sky. Conspirators, they're all working for him! They all have been possessed and roped onto his side, his decree that I shalt not leave my post to go on a 'wild goose chase'! His commands are not set in stone apparently as I fly and chase wisps of energy in erratic patterns across the inky void.

When did this begin, ah, when Optimus was attacked of course. How odd, an invisible foe shamed of revealing his face! No, not in the Autobot base, we stick together and save one another from sneaky little bots, cowards whom hide instead of fight. Then it progressed, hushed whispers by my alleged comrades, optics glancing at my direction in caution and worry. They were hiding something from me; I had wished it was something less painful.

Then, came the battles where the unknown had a form, flutter images of bowed wings and light paint. I paid it no mind that whenever I neared the unknown enemy Megatron swooped down like a mother hawk and took me out immediately. I never noticed the blurry figure that disappeared before I reached him, nor did I acknowledge that it seemed to only be me who was never struck but the intangible Decepticon.

Why should I notice, the enemy wasn't painted red.

He wasn't cackling in unjustified victory.

He wasn't bickering and squabbling with his leader.

Why would I notice?

Then the truth unfurled and I, in my near victory, realized I was betrayed.

The battle was fierce, terrorcons crawling over every inch of the moon, over even my shoulders and wings trying to chew out my circuits. I barely escaped, singed and pissed as the pit when I spotted him, the vanishing figure at Megatron's side. He was ordering more and more terrorcons to attack, snapping beaks and muzzles on the arms of my comrades. I jetted towards him, gun warm and ready. I was exhausted, angry, and ready for revenge on that figure that dared to endanger my leader's life.

"Jetfire pull back!" Optimus sounded frantic as he messaged me, my com-link stung from the tone of his voice.

"I can get him, he doesn't see me yet!"

"NO! Do NOT Engage that enemy!" It was confusing, he'd never so much tried to stop me from attacking Megatron before, why this lesser warrior?

"Sorry Op but he's the only one around here playing with the terrorcons and I'm getting real sick of being some chew toy! Lecture me later!"

"Jetfire Don't!" I turned off my com-link, what a smart idea; I'm full of them it seems. I approached the enemy who had no face to me and suddenly an odd feeling pulled on my spark. It was like a sudden burst of fear. No, not fear, nervous, anxiety and it rolled around through my circuits in the way that told me something bad was about to happen. I had the same feeling moments before when Optimus left us the first time.

I still shudder in remembrance of carrying the matrix back to Earth.

Shaking off the dread I steadied my course, heading for the flyer who seemed too distracted by the terrorcons to even notice me. My gun ready, lifted, aimed. I was so close I could see the faded green color of the bowed wings more vivid then ever before. It would be the perfect shot, even if he turned around there would be no time to defend against my steady attack. I was ready to get rid of this spook-bot once and for all.

"What are you doing?"

That voice.

It couldn't be, impossible.

There was no way.

Ignore it, it's not real.

He's not here.

He's gone.

"Don't move Decepticon!" He started to move. "I said don't..."

"I don't take orders from Autobots."

There was no life in that voice, no energy, and yet it was the same.

He kept moving, turning to face me. Not a red body, not the same form. Blue, green, gray, red...red...not enough red...but there was red.

"Fine, you'll just get a good look at my gun before your head gets blasted off then!"

He turned, slowly but not cautiously as though he knew I wouldn't fire even though I didn't know I was not going to fire. It took an eternity for us to face one another and I forgot completely about the gun in my hand, or the sword in his.

His optics were not fire, they were void of the ferocity I once adored, empty and calm like carved cold stone. I saw no flames in his eyes, no pride, nor life to torment me.

His colors were different, his face mangled on one side, his body different, his voice drained of the power it once held.

But it was Starscream.

"Starscream?" I yelled, the weight I carried since that day yanked free from the crevices of my body. I felt like I could fly into the sun and not burn, into a black hole and not fear destruction. Relief, that's what they call it, relief and pure joy. "Starscream! You're alive! You're back!"

I laughed. I laughed loud, deep and free for the first time in ten years. I laughed for every time I had to fake it, fake happiness, pretend that I was whole, pretend I was all right. Ten years was nothing to a Transformer, ten years without him was forever.

"How is this possible?" I tried to approach him, tried to get close to him as I dreamed so many times during recharge. I never dreamed until I met him, now I dreamed of nothing but him. He was back, he was here, alive, with me. "Starscream I..."

I looked into his odd colored eyes, I couldn't get used to them, they appeared so dead and confused. His optics thinned, tilted, observed as though trying to distinguish what exactly I was. He gripped his sword and glanced at my weapon, I chuckled.

"I'm not going to fire, are you insane? Why would I fire at you? Wait, why are you with Megatron again? Wait..." If he was back, if he'd returned why didn't he reveal himself sooner? He died defending Transformers, Decepticon and Autobot alike. He died to prove to that sociopath that Optimus was greater then he. Why hadn't he returned to us?

"Jetfire get down!" I dodged the cannon blast just in time and saw Megatron's hulking form speeding towards us, his canine teeth revealed as he hissed and growled like a raging beast. Starscream didn't move even as the erratic lights fired all around him. Optimus came up next to me, weapon drawn and aimed at Starscream. I cried for him not to just as Megatron arrived at the seeker's side.

"Optimus, this has been fun but I've gotten what I needed," Megatron barked, clawed hand grabbing at Starscream. It's Earth all over again, the minicon battles played before my eyes, Starscream being dragged away by him when I know he doesn't want to go.

Right?

"Starscream! It's me! Jetfire! You remember me right? What has he done to you? Starscream!"

Megatron laughed thick and heavy, he pulled the seeker closer to him, and Starscream did nothing in protest as he might have before.

"Silly Autobot, you think your pleas will reach him? Hmph, that _pathetic_ being from so long ago has been destroyed."

"Jetfire retreat NOW!" Optimus yanked back on my wing, my flight pattern was interrupted and I dropped a few good feet.

"No! I can't let this happen again! Starscream you're not a Decepticon you're..."

"JETFIRE NOW!"

"Optimus you better get a handle on your soldier." The Decepticon mocked and began to pull away, Starscream at his side. Optimus grabbed onto me, hurling me back into the clear space with all his strength. I tried to regain my stature, to chase after him, but by the time I did it's only Optimus and I in the valley of debris.

He lied to me. He knew, he knew all along whom the assassin was and he never told me. Ten years of frustration, loneliness, ten years of waiting for a miracle, of waiting for anything all rose to the surface and I was reliving that day all over again.

I guess that's why I punched Optimus.

Ironhide freaked, Kicker didn't know what to say. Hotshot stood there, he knew all along to. The rest just stood by, confused and startled as their commander struggled to stand, clutching the new dent on his mask that began to splinter.

"How long have you known?" I demanded to know.

"I was going to tell you, there just wasn't ever a proper time. You don't understand what's..."

"I don't' care what you were _going_ to do! You kept this from me, kept him from me AGAIN! You let me out there with him waiting; I could have killed him and never have known!"

He was silent, looking down, not in shame but as a way to look anywhere but at my face.

"I wanted you to." I would have punched him again if Inferno hadn't jumped between them. "It would have been easier if he'd just been destroyed and you never found out. He's not the Starscream we lost during the Unicron battle; he's completely devoted to Megatron now. There's no bringing him back." I clenched my fists, shaking, wanting to destroy something, or someone. Megatron for starters, Unicron, and then Optimus. How could he do this to me? I didn't understand it. After everything that happened ten years ago and he wasn't willing to even try to bring Starscream back to us? This wasn't like the Optimus that once stayed with me, promising me that Starscream died in honor, promised that his name and his sacrifice would not be forgotten.

"Jetfire, please understand I had no choice. I was afraid something like this would happen and didn't know if you would be able to handle it. I was only looking out for you."

"Hmph, lets test that theory," I smirked, turning around to face the door, not yet leaving but ready to. "If you're only looking out for me then you will stay here and watch as I take off and find him."

I'm sure he tried to stop me, certain of it. I turned off my com-link immediately once my boosters left the base floor and the earth was disappearing below me. He didn't follow, I was thankful for that at least, but I knew he'd follow eventually to make sure I hadn't gone and gotten destroyed. Destruction would be a blessing, a relief from this pain of betrayal. I'd show him, I'd prove to him that Starscream could and would come back.

He had to.

I've been flying for hours now, my wings ache, my mask is frozen and my spark is sinking back into my chest. Hope is being torn from me each moment I search this dark emptiness for him, but I wont give up. I'd rather die here then give up. It's just as he said...

"_Those foolish Autobot determinations of yours will be your downfall one day."_

"_Don't forget, you're an Autobot to and stop wincing whenever you hear that, it's true."_

"_I'll stop wincing once it stops being painful to hear."_

"_Aw, I'll kiss it better."_

"_Put your mask back on, I don't want you near me! Hey! I said off!"_

He laughed then as I held him, laughed and complained, but never pushed me off or away. He never made me leave him, just made me be silent and still so that we could pretend there was a chance somehow for it to become the norm.

Two months later I caught the pathetic little cloth the children made him as it fell from the sky he escaped to. That cloth, chamois, or whatever you call it is still in my chambers, hidden away like my desperate hope that I'd see him again. I wish I had thought to bring it, maybe it could help me. I'm not giving up until he's back, I'm destroyed, or until I'm proven that there's no hope.

Destruction seems more likely.

Damn this Autobot determination.

My sensors pick up a heavy remnant of energy from nowhere, Decepticon. I'm suspicious considering he leaves no traces, even when he was inside our base. But head straight towards the mark, maybe he's with another Decepticon, so long as it's not Megatron I'm fine. It doesn't take long to reach the asteroid belt and I hover near the massive fragments of rock and rubble that are suspended in the void. I don't see him or any others for that matter, maybe it was a stray terrorcon or my sensors are on the fritz.

"Jetfire." I spin around and there he is, perched on an asteroid not far from me. His stance is too neat, too much at attention for what I'm used to. He watches me, eyes still hinted in confusion. "Jetfire, that's your name isn't it?"

"Yes! It is. Are you alone?"

"Yes."

Perfect.

And I begin.

"Starscream do you remember me at all? Do you remember anything about the Unicron war or about the minicons?"

"Minicons?" He tilts his head slightly and takes his jade eyes from me. "I don't know."

"Think about Swindle, he was your partner. Swindle, Sonar, Runway, Jetstorm they all were your friends, your partners. You looked after them more carefully then anybot and their minicon."

"Swindle...I don't know." He looked back at me, expression almost angry. "Why are asking me these things, you are an Autobot shoot at me, don't speak."

"Then why are you here?" I ask him, approaching slowly, terrified of frightening him off. "Why did you come and find me?"

"Because you...you remind me..." His optics widen, shock and realization cover his face. "White. I look at you and all I can think of is white, why is that?" I could have hollered for joy, it wasn't much but it was enough to prove he could remember.

"I used to be white, white and red. You once made fun of me saying I looked like a big pile of snow, and that you hated snow."

"Snow?"

"Yea, on Earth it snows, crystallized water falling from the sky, covering everything in sheets of pure white. We went to the Antarctic once looking for a minicon. It was one of many missions we took alone and you went off on your own, and got caught when you flew too low, I spent days trying to find you and when I finally did you just smiled at me and asked what took so long. That was...that was the first time we..."

Not even I could be so cruel as to bring that up.

I must have said too much because he looked more confused then ever. His optics were lowered, thinking, but not realizing anything much other then maybe 'white'.

"I'm a Decepticon, how would that be possible? Lord Megatron would never..." I growl, unable to stand hearing him speak of that, monster, with such reverence. Even the tone of his voice softened when he said that bastard's name.

"He betrayed you; he left you to die one battle. You realized he didn't care; he doesn't care about you or anyone else! You left him and became an Autobot."

The look he gave me was pure horror.

"Never." He hissed. "I'd never betray my Master like that. I'm not a coward and he would never deceive me!"

"He would and he has! Don't you remember? It was raining and he left you alone surrounded by Autobots. He didn't care what happened to you and when you confronted him he tried to kill you! He doesn't..."

A sword touched beneath my mask, I never saw him move. Green eyes shone neon, angry and ready to kill. I regretted speaking about the betrayal so soon but what choice did I have? It wouldn't take long for Optimus to find me and drag me away, and he would drag me away.

"Starscream do you remember Mars? Remember how we fought Megatron together, remember afterwards when we returned to Earth you ignored me for weeks because I handcuffed you? Remember how you got your revenge? You handcuffed me and..."

"...pushed you through the warp gate..." I could have cried when the sword wavered in the slightest.

"And when they eventually found me, neck deep in mud in the Amazon?"

"...Optimus demanded I explain myself, demanded I apologize to you. And...I said...said..." Starscream looked horrified, scared of the words, the memories that poured from his mouth. He probably didn't understand where it came from, he looked ready to scream. I couldn't stop now.

"You looked me straight in the optic and said that we were just having a lovers squabble and scared the pit out of Hotshot and Blurr! They tried to keep us separate from then on and we just kept playing along just to scare them!"

"No," He said, voice low and sad. No, not sad: tired, exhausted. "No, I didn't play, I never played. You played, you teased and joked, made me act ridiculous all for that ploy. But I never acted. I..." He winced, gripping his helm and closed his optics, the sword fell down completely, returning to his side and I reached out for him.

The first time in ten years I touched him and I wanted to weep.

"I don't remember this. I'm just speaking, I don't know any of this."

"You will." I say low, easing him closer and tilting me head to see his confused white face. "Just come back with me, come back and I promise, SWEAR that we'll bring you out of his possession. Megatron won't be able to control you; I'll protect you from him. I've promised that before, remember?"

He shook his head 'no' but that didn't matter. He allowed me to bring him closer, maybe he'd let me take him home.

"Jetfire," He whispered, looking up at me with no anger or confusion. "You did promise me that didn't you?"

"Yes, a million times over." He smiled, I smiled.

"Then why did you let him take me?"

His sword pierced my chest, wires and metal tearing, ripping apart! The Energon sword scratched against my spark chamber and I cried out in pain, clamping down on his shoulders. My vision blurred and the feel of hot energon seeping from my chest was all too apparent. He pulled out his weapon, slicing deeper inside of me, causing me to cry out louder! I tried to focus on him but the corners of my vision were already darkening. I could make out his face, the sudden grimace and the way he dropped his sword immediately to clutch at his helm and scream out to the stars.

I then heard his laughter.

"Well done Starscream." He purred and my body drifted away, my blood energon dancing upwards in my sight, curling and bubbling off with no gravity to hold it down.

"No! No more!" Starscream whimpered, screamed, and began to tear at his helm, leaving deep marks in the metal. "Make it stop! Make them stop!"

"Hush hush," I heard the mech say. "Come here, be silent, you've done your part for the day. Let's get you back to base and rid your mind of all those pesky memories."

"M-Mega-tron!" I tried to yell but there's a clawed hand around my throat, sharp digits denting and scratching and tearing the metal. "W-hat di-d you d-o to hi-m?" I demand and choke as he crushes my throat slowly.

"You know you Autobots aren't very smart are you? When Starscream returned to me after his unfavorable betrayal, you didn't think that I would be able to learn everything that occurred while he was away, even without his knowledge. It's an amazing thing really, what he did in my absence only to be a fool and die for a worthless cause." I could practically feel his smirk, like burning ice against my face.

"It took only a little energy to control him, show him where to go and what to say to lure you into a completely unguarded state. You know, I hate you more then Prime. He never tried to steal anything from me, just stop me. You, you with your courting and ridiculous ideals about my Seeker, the way you fell in love with a Decepticon that didn't belong to you. I'd prefer to hand over all my energon then see Starscream back with you playing happy home and all that filth."

I can't feel my arms, or my legs. My wings are being scratched; long claws are tearing down them pulling up plates and chunks of metal with no remorse. I can't even yell out, his grip denies me anything.

"Megatron!" Starscream whimpers and I heard the sound of metal against metal, my vision is almost gone but I can make out Starscream's form pressing against Megatron's shoulder. "Make it stop! Make it stop! I don't want these anymore, get rid of them! Stop them!"

Megatron chuckles.

"You see, he doesn't want to remember, he doesn't need you, or any of that Autobot trash you tried to pollute him with. I'm going to let you live boy, not because I have mercy or because I feel guilty, but because death will only end the suffering I want you to feel." He released my throat and I crashed down onto the rock and used what strength I could to cling onto the surface, not wanting to float away.

"One more thing, boy," He whispers against my helm, voice of pure venom and anger. "You stole him once but I've learned from my mistake. Know that I'll never let you take him from me again. He is mine, always ways and always shall be. Don't make the mistake of believing there's a chance." He moves away from me, I can no longer see anything, but I hear metal against metal.

"Let's go Starscream, say goodbye; you won't remember any of this tomorrow."

He doesn't say anything, only the sounds of rockets and boosters follow and then silence, always silence.

He's gone.

This time, I'm left with no fleeting bits of hope.

Only the burn of his voice and the memory of fiery optics remain.

* * *

Optimus watches the screen looking over the schematics of the new defense systems. He's been mostly silent since I was able to return to duty, the mechanics saying I was lucky my spark wasn't hit. I think they're foolish.

"So," Optimus finally spoke: voice tired and cautious. "What are you going to do? If you keep trying to bring him back, Megatron will only drag him away and erase whatever you say to him."

"I know," I'm cleaning my guns, making sure every crevice is clear and ready.

"Then what...are you giving up freeing him from Megatron?"

"No, never." I speak, loading my weapon and arming it. Standing, I realize once again that I'm taller them Optimus and yet he still makes me feel so young and small. I don't smirk, or smile or laugh, I only look at the second screen that always seemed to be playing security feeds of past battles. Starscream is vanishing across the monitor, taking down gun after gun, fighting for his Megatron.

"I just have a new way of freeing him."

Optimus looks down at my gun, then at my face. Sympathy, perhaps guilt is in his eyes but I pay it no mind, he better then anyone understands that destruction sometimes is the only way to free what you love most.

Ten years ago when this first started I was told by a very grumpy seeker whose head nuzzled my chest and whose circuits were drowned in energon, that we'd be the death of one another.

I almost laugh.

I can only hope so.

* * *

"Starscream, what are you doing?" Megatron approaches the smaller Decepticon who seems to have become one with the wall that frames the massive hole in their base. Starscream turns slightly, giving a nod of acknowledgement to his leader.

"Looking at the planets, I thought I knew their names, but I find I don't. Why?" Megatron grunts and stands behind the seeker, looking towards where he's captivated.

"What do you need to know, I'll tell you, just ask." He answers and Starscream's arm rises slowly to point out a single faded dot in the distance.

"That one, that planet, I can't think of its name. Tell me Lord Megatron what it's called?"

The great Megatron looks out into space, scanning through the stars until their optics are focused on the same place. A planet, not far from earth seems dull in the distance and yet stands out from the stars.

"That's Mars." He said and pulled the seeker before him, wrapping an arm across his chest plate while the other brushed the curved wings. "It's an insignificant planet, worthless dust ball."

"Oh," The seeker continued to stare, only moving when his leader forced him to lean back against the larger body. "Lord Megatron, is there snow on mars?" Starscream didn't wince when Megatron's claws clenched on his body, in surprise.

"No, only dust, why?" He grabbed the seeker's face, tilted it until disturbing green eyes and a scarred face was in his view. Starscream looked placid, calm, obedient and curious.

"Because all I can think of is snow."

The End.

* * *

Jack: Raise your hand if you thought Alpha Quintesson was gay for Scorponox...yea...me to.

I'm still working on Chapter 2 of Undertaking; it should be up soon, work is attempting to foil my writing time.


End file.
